Late spring.

 I'm late on starting the seeds off, this year.

It's not been the easiest winter, all things considered. I remember getting teased for saying that: all things considered. 

What, she said, you've considered all of the things? Like, every eventuality? So, you've considered everything from the unfurling of a leaf to the heat death of the universe before you answered? You've quite the mind.

I discovered later it was a joke from a comedy routine. When she said it though, it wasn't funny as such, more, thoughtful, disbelieving, as if maybe I actually had.

Anyway, as I say, it's not been the easiest winter, and the upshot is that I'm late starting the seeds off. Normally by now I'd have the first load in the cold frame, straining to break out, with their replacements starting to push up through the compost in their little pots on the windowsill in the spare room.

But I'm just sowing the first ones, now. I'm a few weeks behind, what with one thing and another.

What with one thing and another. What thing? These things we say. these odd little placeholders of language.

You plant courgette seeds on their edge, two to a pot. When they appear, you give it a little while before you pinch the weaker one out, and the stronger can grow on. They're easy, courgettes, but I still grow them, there's something reassuring about a plant that looks after itself. One that you don't have to keep too much of an eye on. It frees up time to keep an eye on the more delicate plants, the ones that need a bit more care and attention.

It's important to find the time to look after them properly. Otherwise, don't bother.

Like, some plants needs a good bit of stuff in the soil. Blood and bone. Others need as little as possible. It's taken me ten years to get the meadow I planted for Miriam right, cutting twice a year. You should see it now.

I went into the winter in decent shape, everything nice and neat, good and ready. It had been a decent year, a bit too hot maybe, but all in all I was pleased with how things had gone. A good harvest. Not going to pay the bills, but it gave me bragging rights at the Fleece.

I'm used to bad winters. used to having to wrap the fruit trees in fleece, used to running repairs on the outbuildings. But this one was something else. You needed to be everywhere at once. Eyes in the back of your head, as they say.

Pretty grim if you think about it Dad.

I speak and think in truisms and commonplace phrases, it's how I was raised. No one's ever accused me of being the cleverest. I learned them at my mother's knee, so to speak. I always liked being told how stupid I was being.

Eyes in the back of your head, and an extra pair of arms. Pipes burst, the fuel tank sprang a leak, and every day there was something else to fix, something else to repair, some other damage to limit. Since Miriam died it's been a full-time job looking after the house and the girls. Most of the time I do a good job. Sometimes I take my eye off the ball.

When was the last time you played football? Ah clever miss, I said, it comes from cricket, watching the ball to see it move. When was the last time you played cricket, then?

An answer for everything.

Everything?

No, as it turns out.

Not everything.

Small mistakes. Little disasters. A moment's inattention.

I was in the greenhouse when it happened, Jessie came running out of the house and her eyes were so wide. I will never forget the look on her face. Never Jessie is the one that knows about planting, the one who helps me with repairs, knows where things are kept. Capable, is the word they use, isn't it?

Annie was the one that liked to tease me. Too clever by half, her mother's brains. But it was like she had one layer of skin less than the rest of us. Always took things hard. And, as I say, it was hard winter, what with one thing and another. I think his name was Toby. I've never met a Toby I liked. Posh bastard's name

After Jessie found her, I went and found him. I'm not saying it's right.

So I'm late on the seeds this year. But they'll grow, right enough. I'll see to that. Some plants just need enough in the soil, blood and bone. They'll grow just fine.